Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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