you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
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