So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
