Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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