I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
