i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
