Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
