my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
