I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
