Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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