ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
