He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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