I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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