Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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