If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
