well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
