Yo dont text me then not text me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
