i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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