She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
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I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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