yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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