If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize