well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
