Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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