Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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