oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
zippers are such a cool invention
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
