I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
