The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize