This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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