I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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