yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
