If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
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Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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