the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
