I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
