I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
