Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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