Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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