my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
