Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
