Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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