just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
