Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize