Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
