Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
