I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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