Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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