i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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