please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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