I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This is the high leading the old right now
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
