I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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