"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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