Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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