Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's Friday. Sex?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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