Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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