I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
