WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
