I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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