Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
