Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
