Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
