Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
